Rings appearing on every finger but mine. It's funny, we all thought I'd be next. And now I'm last in line it seems.
Happy smiles all around, yet I'm still holding on to you.
I want to be happy for them, and I am. I just thought it would be me next.
It's 2 days shy of 3 weeks since we've talked. I wonder how you are all the time. I wonder if you miss me. I wonder if you think of me.
I flip back and forth between being okay, reminding myself that some of your friends want to stay in touch with me, so why don't you, and being miserable, trapped in a world of memories and what could have beens. Obviously you're damaged; tainted by the stupidity of your other friends, those who are 25 and still oblivious to the way the world actually works. Still having toga parties, still doing blow off toilet tanks. I wish I could pull you out of that world. Back into a world where people are adults, have important things they need to do, priorities in order.
I know I'm better than you. I know you don't deserve someone like me. I know I am on a whole other level than you and the people you choose to spend your time with. Yet here I am wanting you, trying to stoop to your level. Here I am hoping you'll come back to me when really, you should be begging someone like me to stay with you. You're a fool.
And I'm a fool. A fool for still wanting you. A fool for still missing you. You have nothing to offer me. Nothing at all. Yet here I am feeling like I am missing out on something not being with you.
Here's the plan. Become myself again, someone strong and confident. Someone who knows who she is and what she deserves and doesn't take less than that from anyone. Someone who knows you should be crawling back to her because she is so great. Someone with brown hair and brown eyes who loves her family and who is creative and smart and strong. When we hit one month of not talking, I'm going to pool all of my confidence, reach out to you and say we need to tie up loose ends. I'll make you see me, I'll play it cool. I'll leave with you thinking that I don't want you anymore and you'll have no idea what hit you. You'll have no idea what you've done. You'll be thinking of me every day. And I'll still be okay.
