I wish I could say that we've made amazing progress and that everything is wonderful. But I can't.
I'm still feeling on edge. I'm still lacking security.
I'm still feeling like every time I see him he's going to tell me he's done.
Especially the last few days. We had a bad weekend and we weren't even together. He made sure of that.
A couples weekend turned into a "boy's weekend" that turned back into a group weekend and I still wasn't welcome in Whitefish. Even thought it was Valentine's weekend, even though Nanna passed away the Thursday before. So that was hurtful and I made a scene. And now he's distant again.
He ignores my loving texts, he doesn't follow through on things he says he'll do. And I got the sneaking suspicion that he was going to break up with me last night but he came home to me wearing lingerie and couldn't do it.
Plus side: I gave him a valentines day present and he said "well aren't you sweet" and gave me a kiss.
SO WHO KNOWS! It's always changing and I feel like I'm going mental.
I need to give him space but that's the one thing I can't give him. Does that make sense? I wish I was strong enough to be like "kay see ya!" and have him be like "whhhhhat?" and then realize what he's doing. But I can't. I'd rather fight with him than be with anyone else.
I'm going to make a solid effort to just be chill and ignore all of my emotions because my emotions are out of control. If he wants Braxton time, be okay with it.
At least try.
